Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome ...

Immortal words from Cabaret, in which I once starred as a saggy old woman who houses prostitutes and sings lamentations about pineapples. I wanted to be the sexy Sally Bowles but sadly the most desired role in theatre since Juliet was given to someone much younger and more beautiful than me. It's a cruel, cruel world.

It was in fact the harshest thing to happen to me since I was made to be Mary in a school Nativity only to find they wanted me to sing all those classic carols in German. This is very difficult for a seven year old with other ambitions in classical English theatre. Anywoo, welcome to my B-L-O-G. This is also the stupidest word ever to have entered the English vernacular.

Apart from being extremely confusing and sounding like a nasty type of sexual practice (have you been blogging recently ? ; ) Fancy a quick blog behind the bike shed ? ) the word is very misleading. I thought I was using a BLOG to join the masses of people united by a similar purpose, to spout their shit online as opposed to in verbal or written form. But I am wrong.

According to specialists (and I mean the intellectually challenged as well as those who excel in their field) a blog is 'a kind of hybrid diary/guide site, although there are as many unique types of blogs as there are people'. And there's plenty more where that came from, to which end I would direct you to the following : http://www.marketingterms.com/dictionary/blog/.The enlightening offering from this online dictionary claims that blogging is a sort of revolution, with its own technical status, vocabulary and mascot. Bollocks. We are all the same.

You wouldn't believe the rubbish that is floating around in cyber space and so hope this adds nicely to the collection of self-confessed self-promoters, shameless self-vocalists and literary amateurs already smearing their cheesy faces online in order to advertise their book, photography exhibition, penis.

That being said some are far more imaginative than me. In researching the market I have come across blogs as fascinating and varied as one man's nice interest in pizza making to another devoted to someone's personal collection of kettles. This man had a very sensible approach, a decent layout and lots of nice font formatting. But it's hard to take him as seriously as I would like to. The man collects kettles.

Just read that back to yourself and think again about whether you do in fact want to be following a B-L-O-G. A man who has spent his life building up a collection of the instrument we fill with water to make a cup of tea wants to invite you in to his world. Think carefully before you attach yourself to any self-confessed cyber freak.

Thankfully my B-L-O-G (Becky's lively online genius) is not aiming to convert you to weird niche passions or expound gushing details of my personal life. It is going to later evolve to a website including arts reviews, sports, videos and podcasts (another word I hate even though I know the man who first coined the term). For now I'm using it to share stories and connect with people. I don't have a book, photography exhibition or indeed penis to advertise, so I will at least spare you that odyssey. And don't worry, I don't collect kettles.

I am writing a book but it's in such embryonic stages that to share it with you all at this stage would be tantamount to Jordon sharing her pre-op tits with the world. And just look at them now they are finished. They are postively a work of art.

Good things come to those who wait. If only mine could grow as big without implants.... Anyway this is an extension of my previous musings found at: http://www.en.netlog.com/rebecca_cooper.

Those of you who know me inside out, upside down and totally naked will know that I can be incredibly sarcastic and imaginative. So please try hard not to take anything I say online seriously. As for those of you who don't know me at all ... I'm afraid there's nothing I can do to help you get to know me better and it's unlikely that we will be friends. But I hope you'll opt to read me above a spotty teenage boy promoting his homemade pizzas or a man who pleasures himself over his personal collection of kettles.

So I am a better alternative. Continuing the mantra from Cabaret: Bleibe, Reste, Stay..... but then stop reading, log off and get back to reality.